September 16, 2010
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It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Life takes us in various directions, and we move on and on and on. Since I still have my premium account, I should go ahead and put it to use again. I have separate blogs for running, poetry and my business, so I suppose this is the one that will stay personal.
I feel like things have been changing. It’s not so much the weather that causes the nostalgia or the sense of progression, though that would help. The weather at this time of year is just refreshingly breezy. But in some ways I feel like life is changing. Everyone is moving on. I’m moving on. In terms of relationships, in terms of interests, everything feels different.
Most recently, I’m beginning to rethink my associations with different groups, and I feel that for the past three years, I’ve been rather myopic in my vision, especially when it came to my little design business. I’ve been growing increasingly stagnant, and it’s partially due to the fact that I haven’t found the right associations that will help me with my goals. The once tried and true groups that I used to rely on aren’t quite so reliable anymore. And in this economy, I have to prioritize. I’m not saying it wasn’t good to me three years ago. But three years ago, I was just starting out. And as eager as I was to get my studio off the ground, I was eager to help everyone else who were seemingly in the same boat.
Nowadays, it’s about politics. Everyone else is benefiting from the new opportunities put in place, and I’m still stuck. I used to be part of the group that were considered first for opportunities. And now that I don’t have that luxury of directing, I fall out of favor. (And it was a hard fall.) At least that’s how it feels in light of how I’ve been treated recently. I guess sometimes paying into something more doesn’t necessarily mean more benefits or opportunities that are supposedly yours for the taking. What’s especially eye-opening is when others are willing to cast you aside and not even think to consider to ask whether or not you’d like to participate in something. I’m not one for being cast aside. I don’t like it when others make decisions for me, especially something important that affects my business. At the heart of all this remains the fact that I am on a tightrope without a safety net. No one else sees how much hair I am losing or how much worry is in my brain.
Now I just need to be more selfish and make sure that the investment I put in guarantees me and my business some type of return whether it’s financial or opportunistic. I can’t just spend countless hours helping out everyone else for the sake of status, and I guess this was my wake up call. After doing that for the past three years, it’s evident that the amount of time I’ve spent could’ve wisely been spent improving my own processes. Of course, I have no one to blame but myself and my naiveté. I thought I finally belonged to something greater and lost focus on what really mattered, which is building MY business.
It’s time to get moving again.
Comments (6)
I think I know what you mean Lisa. I too, have come to a halt recently and am working on what direction I should be taking. I too have realized that all the hard work I’ve put in is not worth it when I could have been working on making my business better. Yet, through this process, I am currently realizing that I’ve lost interest in my business. A bit different from you but a change in direction nevertheless. I am trying to figure out what I should do next with my time.
Good luck!
Change is hard, but change is good. Don’t worry, things always work out the way they do for a reason…we just don’t know what that reason is..yet. HHHMMMM did that sound too stupidly profound? LOL
Passing and thinking good Karma your way.
Dude! Where the F’ have you been?? Yea, I’ve missed your missives. You don’t write anymore. At least not here. Glad your getting back to writing here but sorry it’s because of these changes.
Good luck to you!
And remember, there is nothing like repeated ungratefulness to awaken you to the fact that reciprocity is completely dead in our society. I had that hard awakening about in January when I needed to move. After having helped DOZENS of people to move over the years… suddenly, everyone was busy for the two week window I could have used them. It was amazing to see the utter ingratitude of people whom I had helped in the past: repairing the damages in their apartments so that they did not get socked by their landlord, fixing their cars when on the side of the road, proofing their papers and projects before they turned them in (and would have gotten terrible grades), and, of course, helping people MOVE. Now, I am not one to use a strict transactional paradigm in relationships, but I DO expect something in return for my efforts. But it was my fault. I should have known. And now I do. :)
@waiszeblogs - I think sometimes we all need that little pause to figure out what’s next. I know people out there who just keep going in one direction and can’t stop even though they realize they’re not heading in a direction that brings them any type of happiness.
@etoiledelune - I’m definitely a firm believer of things working out the way it should. Not stupid at all, but definitely profound!
@snark - Thanks! I never realized anyone missed my writing!
@stephendonaldcox - You made a good point. I don’t expect much, but I did expect some sort of reciprocation, especially when it was under the pretense of everyone helping one another. Now I know better.
@fubabee - ironic isn’t it? it takes a leap of faith to start something and another to get out of it once you realize it’s no longer what you want.